Posts

Moving On..(frfr this time)

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It’s strange looking back on that post i made last november about him called "moving on", almost like reading someone else’s story. Since then, a lot has changed, me, my life, my heart. I really thought I’d be stuck forever  in that haze of half-memories  and lingering what-ifs. But I’m not. And the most surreal part is that he was the one to come back! Right when I felt like I’d finally moved on, he reappeared, like some kind of test to see if I was really free of him.  I’ll admit, for a moment, I let myself hope. Maybe this was the sign I’d been waiting for, the answer to all those prayers. I thought,   " What if he’s the one after all?"   It was tempting to imagine that maybe everything we’d been through meant something and that maybe this time it would be different. But as we got to know each other again, it didn’t take long to see the truth: he wasn’t what I needed. He wasn’t who I’d imagined him to be.  That ache I’d carried around for so long was go...

My year of rest and relaxation (i've never been relaxed EVER)

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TW ED My school year is coming to an end and I am now realizing that I've lived the Ottessa Moshfegh fantasy, 8 months of my life just slipped right through my fingers without even noticing. This is the rapid documentation of it all, i did forget a lot of things but i don't write as much anymore and my memory is fucked up so that's all i have for now.  Beware these are the thoughts and complaints of a very disturbed girl. It's September I'm depressed but I remain hopeful, I have to be. I made one of the biggest choices in my life and i can't turn back now. I try my best to go to classes and socialise but the truth is I'm losing it and I just ghosted my therapist because my schedule was too tight, back when I cared about being present and stuff. As for him. He keeps making his random comebacks in my life but i just let it be he's not mine to care. October is just beginning and I already miss high school, I didn't think that would be something that I w...

Moving on

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It's been a while, i haven't written since July because i was going through something of my own. This summer has been the trenches for me, i guess i say that about every stage in my life because i guess i'm cynical but i mean it. This summer was yet another summer where i felt like dying. But i guess i'm back i don't know for how long really i just want to express myself about a thing i've been struggling with for some time now: Moving On. I hate it because no one actually explains exactly how to move on (except bitches who think self care and bubble baths will fix it). Moving on has always been hard for me, i was born resentful (something i'm working on) which makes it hard for my brain to accepts its over, to accept it was so long ago. It makes me sad to think i'm still hung up on people who moved on or on situations that only exist in the past now,  but i just don't know how to. How do you move on when you've tried everything?  Going out, self...

My favorite songs from each stages of my life

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Okay so someone on tiktok gave me the idea of doing a sort of playlist for each stages of my life and as a music lover i could not not do it. Hope you'll enjoy this! Childhood 2010 (5 years old) - 2016 (11 years old), i was obsessed with movies and had no sense of trends and media so i would just listen to the songs in my favorite movies and tv shows all day and make playlists based on their soundtracks. The artists i was obsessed with at the time: The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Marvin Gaye, Carole King, Weezer, Amy Winehouse, The Cardigans. Some of my favorite songs as a child: Island In The Sun - Weezer California - Tchad Blake Remix There She Goes - The La's Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys Valerie - Amy Winehouse Landslide - Fleetwood Mac Creep - Radiohead Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole Lovefool - The Cardigans So Far Away - Carole King Fade Into You - Mazzy Star  Suggestions - Orelia Has Orchestra (had a pll obse...

What's "in" for me

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As we're entering the season of summer i've been collecting all the little things i like to do and i will list some of them to you, hope you get something out of this! Collecting DVD's -  2 months ago i came across my old "strawberry shortcake" DVD I used to watch EVERY. SINGLE. DAY as a kid and realised how fun it is to just grab your dvd, put it on and have the FULL movie experience. That's why not so long ago I started hunting for DVD's of my favorite movies at the nearest thrift shop. Right now, my modest collection consists of 7 dvd's that I absolutely adore. I cannot describe you the demented reaction I had when i saw "The Virgin Suicides" DVD hiding between hundreds of other films. My goal as of now is to find "The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", "The Wizard Of Oz" and "The Bling Ring". I'm clearly a woman of taste. Making mixtapes - I fell back into an old addiction of mine which is making mix...

Palo Alto (Gia Coppola) commentary by Célia

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Palo Alto directed by Gia Coppola, commentary by Célia “Palo Alto," directed by Gia Coppola, is a coming-of-age drama based on a collection of short stories by James Franco. Released in 2013, the film offers an intimate and atmospheric portrayal of the lives of a group of teenagers living in the suburban town of Palo Alto. I personally think that one of the film's strongest aspects is its ability to capture the raw and complex emotions that adolescents experience. Gia Coppola manages to explore into the inner workings of her characters, exploring their hopes, dreams, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Through their interconnected stories, she creates a genuine and relatable portrayal of teenage life. The film's cinematography and soundtrack is very interesting to me. The use of natural lighting and long takes creates an immersive experience, allowing the audience to become intimately involved in the characters lives. The soundtrack of "Palo Alto" curated by Gia C...

End of the school year

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Tuesday, may 16, 2023, 9:12PM Bonjour blog! It's may, for some of you this may not look like the end of the school year yet but for all the french students here WE ARE IN THE TRENCHES. This is my year of "terminale", so my "senior year" as the americans would say. The year flew by so fast i'm saying goodbye to the high school life and it's all hitting me now. I didn't even appreciate the end of this school year because i had to do so many things in a short span of time. School work has been drowning me and procrastination is my worst enemy. Monday, may 22, 2023, 10:16PM Helloooo!!!! I have to be up at 6AM tomorrow yet i'm still here talking to myself, the coffee i took 2 hours ago didn't help either. Tomorrow i have a presentation on the Nicolas Sarkozy case and i haven't finished it yet... i mean it's done but i thought i'd have time to put all the finishing touches but all my work is at school so i have no access to it so we...