It's my birthday and i feel really old

It’s may 8th 2023, 23:56 as i’m writing this. In a few minutes i’ll no longer be 17.

17 was like the perfect middle, not the youngest but not old. 17 was the beginning of the end of my young years. 

It’s now midnight, it’s may 9th of 2023 and i’m officially 18 years old.

I feel like there should be some sort of dramatic thing happening right now to illustrate this new transition in my life. 

But nothing i’m just 18, this age is just the allegory of stress and pressure to me. 

18 means i’m no longer a kid and i am taken seriously like i wasn’t in precedent years.

I am now required to uphold my civic responsibility and become an active participant in democratic society.

I will have politic debates with my friends and argue with them while having an “apéro”.

I will have to sign every single one of my important documents with my childlike signature that i need to refine.

I will become “has-been” and my little cousin Sandra will make fun of me in the same way i made fun of my older sister when she had no knowledge of the latest trends.

I will become everything i would make fun of.

But what if?

What if i become an addict and end up just like my mother?

I could become addicted to gambling, not that it interests me in any way but what if?

I could move in a little town in America and become a waitress to live my lana del rey fantasy if i wanted to.

I could even become a stripper and put on a pink wig just like Alice in the movie “Closer".

Maybe one day i’ll renounce all my morals and invest in crypto.

So many new possibilities, so many things that i'm leaving behind.

I don't need to put “born in 2000” when i go on websites anymore because i’m officially an adult now.

I can no longer go to the museum and benefit of a free ticket because i’m a minor.

Being 18 means all the weird old perverts can come talk to me as they wish because i’m no longer protected by my age, not that it ever protected me.

Being 18 means i have to renounce to so many things, so little but so important to me. But it also means new opportunities and many great things are coming into my life.

Will forever miss my youth.

xoxo célia 

"she lives inside of me forever"♡

PS: i am eighteen which means i'm technically STILL a teenager!!! (im in denial).